They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize