$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
