This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
