You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
