someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
