omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
