alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
