Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
