So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
