The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
