remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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