sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
