Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
