It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
