May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
