so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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