Its about making memories worth repressing
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
