Sry I called you an 8
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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