your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
