Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
