why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
