mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
