Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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