oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
