yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
