my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
