We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
