Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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