my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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