So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize