why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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