margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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