I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize