I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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