How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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