I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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