I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
