I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
