And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i think my cat just said my name.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
