he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
