Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
