if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I deserve this hangover.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
