bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
