Come see our sink grown plant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
