I hate all girls vehemently.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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