before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
