and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
