If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i was born a porn star she said
you will always have a special place in my vag
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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