just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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