So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize