dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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