I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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