my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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