Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
