he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
