...so i touched it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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