they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drake has all the answers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
