I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
