Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
