I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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