Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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