the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
