and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
