Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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