Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
