My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize