haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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