dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
