In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
