i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
