i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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