xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize