this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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