turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
