I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
