Porn is love you can see.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
