I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
