Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
