Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
