he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
