i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
