Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
