Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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