what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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