If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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