Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
