Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
high people should be assigned attendants
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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