i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
