420 ftw
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
