I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
