I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
