Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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