Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
