PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
