I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize