TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
