Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize