Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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