I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
