That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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