i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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