How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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